I recently finished my Annual Review—continuing the tradition from last year’s Annual Review that I’m extremely grateful for. This year, I’m using the same template from Dr. Anthony Gustin. However, I excluded some parts where I think it is unnecessary.
But hey, in case you want to read my 2020 Annual Review as a comparison, it’s here:
From 2020 to 2021
When I made my 2020 review, I wrote some random desires that I honestly thought it was good on paper, nothing more. Now I believe not only that writing is thinking, but to write is to envision.
For example, in 2020 I wrote: I’m grateful that I got to assist Prof Adik Wibowo, a mentor-mentee relationship that I cherished the most. In 2021, I fulfilled that gratefulness: I assisted her again! It made me realize how often I buried desires just because I thought if something belonged to the past, it cannot be in the future simultaneously. I was wrong. If you found something to be good, don’t be afraid to repeat.
I also wrote this in 2020 as a major accomplishment that I’m most proud of:
A major decision to turn around and back to medicine, where the sole reason was to respect my parent's wish. I took it as an accomplishment. I successfully denied my ego and put my words to practice. I repeatedly said I want to reach out to them in terms of my role as a child, to show my love, to make them know that I love them. For that sole reason, I bent my will. I'm proud because I hang on to my heart's longing instead of breaking things apart.
Guess where I am now? Working for the WHO. Another u-turn. Another major milestone, back to Public Health track and working in the field that I’m passionate about. Feels refreshing to come back with a humble heart. Especially I’m grateful for Psalm 32 that strengthened me through the year, especially verse 4: Far day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was drained as in the summer heat. I tried to understand His heavy hand is merciful. And indeed, in 2021, He has proven himself to be good.
Life’s Reflection
As I stated above, working as a consultant for the WHO probably is the highlight of my life, not just 2021. I expressed this interest since 2014 before I went to attend Global Health’s workshop in Tokyo, Japan. Seven years later, here I am. Wish me good journey, friends.On the other hand, I.. um.. proposed to my girlfriend after six years being in a relationship. I'm proud because of the boldness I accumulated over the years to realize that to marry is to surrender. To step into what it seems like a daunting task is nothing more than a foundational, firm one step at a time.
Academics, Research, Teaching
In 2021, some of the most enjoyable Saturdays were my classes with Prof Adik. Even writing this review excites me to continue working with her in 2022 and sets up a goal for myself: I want to scientifically write something related to global health and carve my name as a first or second author. I need this (and I want this!) not to humblebrag, but I want to pave my way into a top graduate school in the world. Mind you, accepted to Columbia was one of the highest high in my life, but I need to do it once again.. and I need to prove myself as a scientist.
Clinical Medicine
It's baffling that last year I wrote 'Surgery and Pediatrics', but now I'm working in structural position, farrrr away from surgery. I must confess, one of the reasons I pulled myself away was because surgery is costly. The amount of sacrifices needed is way beyond my comprehension. I'm not that into surgery, so I let it go. As for pediatrics, parts of my heart are still there, but that's also the paradox of choices. When you choose something, you actually open one door and close some doors.
Considering my habit and interest in sport, perhaps I will try to land a spot in the residency. Let's see how life goes. My primary goal is to secure an admission in Oxford University's Master of Public Health instead of being a clinical doctor.
Making money online
In early 2021, I was close to make $500 through the internet, but then things went south. I'm still intrigued in how to make money online without having to 'advertise' myself through my social media channel. I want to walk in the thin line between a well-known persona and not having to advertise myself in social media. For example, some folks recommend me to polish my LinkedIn profile, since a lot of job came from it. But to be honest, who likes LinkedIn? It is more about forged connection instead of mutual connection.
Complex problem solving
I did not realize how powerful a question is until someone asked me: where do I see myself in 10 years? I don't think I answered his/her question right, but I quoted Richard Dawkins, that science is poetry of reality. I portray life as THE poetry of reality, made by God, for us to read and listen. It's getting metaphysical borderline nonsense, but I sense that my life is nothing but a passionate yet chill poetry reading. I'm here to listen to what He said in The Bible and what He has to say as I go through life. The thing that draws me always involves a puzzle, a pattern-recognition, deconstructing-reconstruction, unlearning-relearning, entanglement-dismantlement. I'm always drawn to what I don't understand and seek to understand it. This insight led me to be pulled by fields that I will never comprehend fully; it became my quest.
Public Health intrigued me on multiple levels. During my second year of medical study, I was laser-focused on tobacco control. Third-year; maternal and child health. Fourth-year; climate change. Fifth-year; leadership in health. During my internship year; family medicine. My first year of work, rural health, then it led me to environmental health, especially climate change. The quest continued to narrow down to subfields, such as urban health, which led me to read about Air Pollution, substance abuse, and public policy. One major (I mean, GLOBALLY MAJOR) virus wreaked havoc on my journey and I move on. My guiding principles are still the same, and that glittery goldfield that shines for me is neurosurgery. Now, as I write this review, I have taken advice from “How Will You Measure Your Life?” seriously and concluded that my purpose does not align with what neurosurgery demands.
Those two paragraphs.. The biggest turn around in 2021 for me was I'm back on track in Public Health field. I wrote that my quest ended up in urban health with a history of broad interests. Now I'm working at global health diplomacy. In a world of specialists, I learned not to limit myself to be interested just to one narrow field, because by having a 'touch' in many fields is also an advantage.
2021 taught me that I don't need a taste of everything. I need some things that mattered the most, but intense. Intensity matters the most.
Life’s Growth
While 2020 taught me to be selfless, 2021 taught me the opposite, to ask for what I want. I discovered that, to get what you want, the first thing that you need to do is ask. In medicine, we were used to accept whatever comes and did not ask for more than what's given. In public health, we have to ask for what we want. I guess I need to adjust to a non-feudal field. But I learned to voice my opinion even though I'm not 100% about what I want. Resonated with what Jordan B. Peterson said, Rule 10. Be precise in your speech. I'm trying to be concise in what I said, not to sugarcoat but to find appropriate ways to deliver my message.
On the other hand, spiritually speaking, I learned that a primary qualification for serving God with any amount of success, and for doing God's work well and triumphantly, is a sense of our own weakness. A sense of our own weakness actually strengthens the way we navigate life. When we know exactly where we are failing, we become more cautious with what we entrusted to ourselves. I learned to say no, to say enough, to know the limits of my time and energy, to predict and measure my capacity and capability.
In 2020, I stop playing video games and my life just automatically improves. In 2021, my life enlarged just by being available to opportunities. When your scheduled is filled, opportunities evade by default.
2021 taught me that failing does not have to translate into a failure. It can teach you things that no other ways you can learn. A one step back can propel your steps forward. I must be emptied before I can be filled with anything.
Life’s Resources
- Trauma, by Paul Conti. This is, hands down, the best “mirror” that I read in my lifetime. The reflective book helps me to tone down, to pinpoint, and to identify who I am, what trauma that I grappled with, and how to deal with it.
- How to Pray, C. S. Lewis. Lewis is the most gifted and eloquent writers. He just found his way through words. In this book he revealed some of the most confusing concept of prayers in the simplest terms. Rejuvenate your prayer life with this book.
- The Death of Porn, by Ray Ortlund. As a recovering porn addict, Ray Ortlund dignifies the parts of me that somehow, someway still clings to shame and guilt. He invites the reader with the most gentle way without compromising anything.
- Greenlights, by Matthew McConaughey. Here’s a book that consists of Matthew’s own journal for 15 freakin’ adventurous life. Gold of mines. Countless life lessons. Exciting book to combat the tendency of living a boring life. One of my favorite quotes: Don't half-ass what you want to do.
Articles
My favorite article was from desiringGod, titled “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense”. Here’s some quotes:
Instead of asking, “What do we do when life doesn’t make sense?” we might ask, “What do we do when life doesn’t make sense to us?” God works all things together according to his wisdom, but we do not have the capacity to understand all he does. God’s works and ways make sense — beautiful, wise, and fitting sense — just not always to us. Isaiah would not be surprised by this conclusion: “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord” (Isaiah 55:8)
God is not merely playing with his creation because he wants to have some fun at our expense. He has not created a world with no meaning, leaving humans to wander through life without hope of understanding. Instead, God designed us to desire infinite knowledge so that we would fear him. To fear God means to remember who God is and to remember who we are in relationship (and outside of relationship) with him. We remind ourselves of God’s sovereign control of all things in life, humbly accepting our own inability to always understand his ways. At the same time, we can do so with joy because we know that God works all things together beautifully for our good.
So, what do we do when life doesn’t make sense to us? We face all things — the good, the bad, and the somewhere in between — with confidence because we know our God is weaving all things together for good, even when we cannot see past our current circumstances. We walk hand in hand with our Savior on the path of life, enjoying all his gifts, big and small. And then we do good to others by inviting them to do the same.
Life’s Betterment
The toughest question for two straight years: How could I have been better as a person? Friend? Manager? Parent? Etc.
I should've been more social. I started seeing a psychiatrist due to the second—and the deadliest—COVID wave in Indonesia. It triggered my past experience in acute medicine, which I was not fond of. As I consulted the psychiatrist, apparently my behavior started to change because of past trauma related to relationship (a non-romantic one) and it affected how I made decisions regarding relationship. To take it one step further, the book Trauma has opened my eyes to the bruised heart that I went through in life. I could've been more social. And I want to be more social in 2022.
So, this is my plead: if you consider yourself a friend of mine, or at least comfortable enough to call me an acquaintance, let’s meet up for a coffee sometime.
Life’s Gratefulness
- Proposed to my girlfriend and planning our marriage.
- Took the leap of faith by leaving medicine (again) and jump ship to my current job at the WHO Indonesia.
- My family stayed healthy. 2021 was a tough year for my family. My grandma got really sick and almost died, my aunt was suddenly sick and died. By December, my mom got sick too, but we are keeping up.
21 Life Lessons from 2021
- Underestimate event, overestimate process.
- A primary qualification for serving God with any amount of success, and for doing God's work well and triumphantly, is a sense of our own weakness.
- Failing does not have to translate into a failure.
- God will empty out all that you have before He will put His own into you.
- You can determine a lot about a person by regularly observing their habitual characteristics.
- You know consequences may come, but you accept them because you’ve planned for the future and banked up.
- Truth is offensive only when we summon it with the wrong motives.
- Don't half-ass what you want to do.
- We need to want to get better.
- The world is a mirror.
- Three things to tend to daily: family, philanthropic roles, work.
- In life, have some A's rather than all B's.
- Life is not about win or lose, it is about do you accept the challenge.
- Work can snatch your identity—if you are not careful.
- Life is about learning when, and how, to get a handle on the challenges we face in life.
- Be patient for long-term goals; impatient for short-term goals.
- Trauma is rain—endless rain. It might feel like a sprinkle at first, but with no protection we end up getting soaked to the bone, and the water just keeps accumulating all around us until we’re carried away in a river of misery.
- Sometimes, the best and the worst come together, that you might someday have to do something terrible in order to do the right thing.
- Anyone who tried to help without sharing a part of themselves could go to hell.
- It’s not true that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. What doesn’t kill us can actually leave us with wounds that make life a lot more difficult.
- Drop things, pick up people.