October is just about to end but in my head, 2024 is over. I killed it right there, bleed out the November and December out of its gut. I couldn’t handle the stress of 2024. I sighed a long growl out of exhaustion—managing life, work, study, extended family, and church voluntary services. I noticed a strange disconnection, in this phase of life, between what I do and what I usually did to keep myself who I am. There is a lurking sense of self that was left behind by barraging through the mentality of “surviving day by day” in which I mean, caring for Archie—and everything to sustain everything around him, especially his mother. I had no time to breath in, but the world forced me to keep exhaling. Keep on giving. After Archie’s first birthday celebration, I told myself I’m done. As I did in the previous 364 days, I don’t want to do anything tomorrow. I want to curl myself on my bed, being a crustacean and doing nothing. I knew I’m not giving up, but I think it’s important to mentally give up everyday after the day has done. To let it be done in that day, that you have lost the battle in your head, but you did your best in physical world. I couldn’t help myself to become a villain, as happened to Harvey Dent’s Two-Face tragic story. I am in no position to become a pessimist, cerebrally understanding the theological concept of justice. I made it clear to myself, after a long pondering under a scorching hot shower that burned my skin: it is my sole desire right now, to live a quiet life, starting in 2025, or November 2024, it doesn’t matter. I want to bask myself in non-essential matters in my head. I want to make tons of fuck you money, buy myself comfortable life, playing the capitalist game, and not caring for anything beyond the title of common people—just to tune it down a bit inside this head. I never stop caring about social justice in health, and I still believe people deserve equal access to high-quality healthcare wherever they live and that the government is responsible in providing them through public service. But I stop caring politics, reputation, credits, visibility, whatever corporate terms they might entail. [[A quiet life should suffice]].